Disclaimer: I’m specifically writing to those in helping professions, but the content can be helpful to anyone feeling a little charred around the edges.

Can you tell I used to lifeguard outside all summer for 8 years? Let’s just say I am no stranger to all varieties of the effects of solar radiation. More often than not, it’s not a good look. So I feel the metaphor for burnout fits. Take it or leave it.

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After a long day of helping others, teaching them coping skills, and entering hard spaces with them, I was at the end of my rope. I think I said something like “There’s a specific kind of suck when you’ve been helping others to cope all day but cannot do it yourself.”

Who Helps the Helpers?

Conventional wisdom says that those who help others should have someone who helps them too. I personally have a therapist for such things. And yes during sessions I am able to process a ton, but I’m more talking about the moments outside of a scheduled session where you just need someone to care for you instead of always having to care for others.

So – what do we do?

Find Friends – Reach out to your friends. If you feel you can, be open and honest about what you’re feeling. If you feel like that might be too much of a fire hose to unleash on one poor unsuspecting person, a) Excellent self-awareness, you’re probably right, b) Ask about their lives. Getting into a conversation about something other than what’s going on with you can offer either an escape into someone else’s reality, or more often than not, perspective that there’s more than what our myopic, insular mind wants us to think there is when we’re stressed. Either way, it helps.

Find Your Person – A note – not everyone will have this category and not everyone needs this category. For those who have a special person or partner, check in with them. First, explain you had a rough day and ask if they have the available emotional space to support you. (This is crucial – if both you and your person have both had horrible days, assuming the other has the space to hear your situation does not end well. You know what happens when you assume…). If they do have the capacity, then share until you feel better. If they don’t, find ways for both of you to cope. If that’s granting yourselves permission to not do the dishes that night, so be it. If that’s curling up on the couch and watching fluffy comedies, so be it. The point is to try to find equilibrium again and to get back to baseline.

Find Yourself – This can either be through your own version of self-care (see You’re Worth It – A Note On Self-Care) or perhaps this is through mindfulness and meditation. Take a timer and set it for whatever interval feels appropriate to you – I typically go for 10 to 15 minutes – and just sit. Allow whatever thoughts come or don’t come and return to a central calming place without judgement of when your thoughts come and go, you’re not doing it wrong if they come more often than they go. I often feel like my calming place and my thoughts are on opposite ends of a rubber band or bungee cord as they go back and forth so much, but the point of the exercise is practice, not perfection. Cliches about mindfulness aside, the point is for a soft reset. Not the hold the device power button down, “I’m not asking” kind of reset, but just a simple restart. It works wonders.

Remind Yourself

Why you do what you do

What you do does not define who you are

You are one of a kind

Worst comes to worst, you rub some aloe on your burned out self, and try to remember to wear sunscreen next time you’re out.