(In which Harry is dangling by his legs from a troll’s grip)

Harry Potter: “Do Something!”

Ron Weasley” “What?”

Harry Potter: “Anything!”

– Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

I’ve had folks recently express a desire to learn “just what to say” to folks who are grieving. There seems to be some concern about how to do this “right.”

Well here’s the secret

are you ready?

drumroll please….

You just have to be there and listen.

LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK:
JUST BE THERE AND LISTEN

Show up, but don’t beat the door down. Let them know that you are around. Depending on how close or not close you are to this person, this might look a little different. Avoid cliches if you can though, so they know you’re sincere.

But honestly – most folks who are lost in their grief just want to know that they are not alone. Grief is one of the most isolating things, especially a month or so later when everyone else has moved on but the loss is still there.

Even as a trained counselor, 90% of what I do when I respond to a situation where someone is experiencing acute grief is to just be present, often silent, next to them while they process how they need to. Some folks will want to talk, in which case I listen and normalize their feelings. Others can’t find the words as it’s just too painful. For these folks, simply being in that space with them is support enough.

It really is that simple folks. And if it gets complicated, that’s when you need a professional. Find a grief counselor to help.